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The guy gets on a bus and starts threatening everybody: "I'll integrate you! I'll differentiate you!!!" So everybody gets scared and runs away. Only one person stays. The guy comes up to him and says: "Aren't you scared, I'll integrate you, I'll differentiate you!!!" And the other guy says; "No, I am not scared, I am e to the x."

Credit: Matthew Holtz

Boy's Life, May 1973:

Ralph: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?

Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right.

Ralph: Well, you could try.

Credit: Matthew Holtz

"The reason that every major university maintains a department of mathematics is that it is cheaper to do this than to institutionalize all those people."

Credit: Matthew Holtz

A math/computer science convention was being held. On the train to the convention, a bunch of math majors and a bunch of computer science majors were on the train. Each of the math majors had his/her train ticket. The group of computer science majors had only ONE ticket for all of them. The math majors started laughing and snickering.

Then, one of the CS majors said "here comes the conductor" and then all of the CS majors went into the bathroom. The math majors were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and said "tickets please" and got tickets from all the math majors. He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said "ticket please" and the CS majors stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and then the CS majors came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. The math majors felt really stupid.

So, on the way back from the convention, the group of math majors had one ticket for the group. They started snickering at the CS majors, for the whole group had no tickets amongst them. Then, the CS major lookout said "Conductor coming!". All the CS majors went to the bathroom. All the math majors went to another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the CS majors left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said "ticket please."

Credit: Matthew Holtz